Alex Wong Nooooo!!!

Tina, pull it together. Alex Wong has been eliminated from So You Think You Can Dance, and we can't do anything about it. At least we can be consoled by the fact that Alex was eliminated due to an injury, a torn achilles tendon. He was Nancy Kerriganed by a Bollywood number. I knew it would take an Asian dance to defeat an Asian dancer. It's like fighting fire with fire. My hopes and dreams of seeing an Asian American win a tv reality competition have been shattered. I know Chloe won Project Runway, but I meant a competition in which people need to vote for you. I have specific dreams, Tina. Specificity is key for acting and dreams. I guess it's up to me now to be the first Asian American to win an Oscar for Lead Actress, presented to me by Betty White while wearing Monique Lhuillier.

My Alex Wong related posts:

http://tinafeyismyfriend.blogspot.com/2010/07/voting-fingers_04.html

http://tinafeyismyfriend.blogspot.com/2010/07/reality-tv-binge-alex-wong.html

Michael Jackson (Ha, Got Your Attention)

Tina, how many times have you asked yourself "Where can I find a Pakistani American man who can impersonate Michael Jackson's dance moves?" If I had a quarter every time I asked myself that... What a quandary. But no worries because the next person I'm adding to my Fey-reinds list is Khurram Mozaffar. Again, I am friends with people with really cool names. Last time it was Kat Swick. Not to mention, Khurram's name is ethnic, yay for diversity. If you need to contact Khurram, he's only a crotch grab away.

With Hollywood's new trend of finding funny South Asian/Middle Eastern men like Danny Pudi and Aziz Ansari, I can tell you Khurram is the exact opposite. He is not funny. I know you're reading this, Khurram. Other than his Michael Jackson impression, Khurram is a writer, one who really writes from his heart. He's also one to watch. He may be the next Diablo Cody. After all, they both have a dancing background. And though he considers himself a writer, he is a gifted actor despite the fact he hasn't acted for a good decade. A testament to his abilities: He basically became the critically praised star of an ensemble show we did together. Kind of like Will Ferrell except not funny. Hopefully, he doesn't forget that the rest of the talented cast contributed to his success, especially the adorable Asian girl. She's kind of like you, Tina. And a fan (yeah he has fans) said he should be on the cover of GQ. As a Vogue cover girl I have to disagree with that statement, but to each his own. Did I mention he wrote a part for me in his movie as the wiseass?

Here are some other reasons Khurram is the King of Pop dance moves:
1) Because he's been out of the acting world for a while, he doesn't always realize he's talking to someone famous or reputable in the "biz." For example, he had no idea he was giving a Tony Award winning playwright writing tips. It's cool knowing someone who can be oblivious to status and tell it like it is. Sometimes famous actors and writers need a wake up call, and Khurram is right there with a "Good morning."
2) When he finds something interesting or clever he makes this indiscernible sound. It's kind of a mix between approval and"man that was good eating." It's a great ego boost when you're talking to him and he does that sound.
3) He's got 3 adorable children. I hear play date with Alice and Ali (Coincidence they have the same 3 letters in their name? I think not).
4) He instigates a chain of emails (typically off of business type emails to other actors) that are often ridiculously entertaining. Which makes me wonder if he actually does any work during his day job as a lawyer. I like to imagine that Khurram enters his office, where you'll find a strategically placed Michael Jackson outfit nearby, curls up in a ball under his desk, takes a nap, and afterwards recounts his dreams in a mass email.
5) He's a true gentleman. Chivalry is not dead, just the man he dueled protecting his wife's honor.

THE

Tina, what's happening to me? I've used the word "THE," the way old and yes that includes middle age (no offense) people use the word "the" in front of nouns that don't need it. For example, (and let's do it in a Sarah Palin voice just because it's funny) My kids are on the Facebook. OR I can see the Russia from my house. Now this is going to be difficult, but I will tell my story. The usual "what did you do over the weekend" conversation was going along splendidly with a friend of mine until I said I saw the Eclipse. That phrasing would have been alright if I had seen an actual eclipse (through indirect methods of course), but I didn't. I saw Eclipse, the movie in the Twilight Saga starring Taylor Lautner's abs. The "THE" bomb dropped and suddenly I could feel the bifocals prescibe themselves, my metabolism slow down, and my knowledge of current music and clothing styles recede. I'm scared, Tina, I'm scared. I don't want to live in the fear.

Only fans of the 30 Rock would understand why I would use a picture of Kenneth the Page in this post.

Meat, It's What's For Dinner. - Michael Scott

Tina, remove any layers or Spanx you might be wearing and imagine numerous men coming to you with their various meats. Yes, I'm talking about those Brazilian steakhouse restaurants. You've never been? I totally understand. You barely have time to sleep let alone eat copious amounts of meat. So let me take you on a culinary adventure to Brazil...ian steakhouse. I'm going to use Chicago's popular Brazilian restaurant, Fogo de Chao, as our dining example. Once you've entered [insert term for fancy, artsy decor] Fogo de Chao, you will notice men in traditional MC Hammer pants. Actually, they are wearing the more traditional Gaucho ensemble. That's what the whole Brazilian steakhouse concept is based on: the Gaucho culture way of preparing meat. At Fogo, it's all you can eat but it's not your ordinary buffet, because you never have to get up. The "Gauchos" come to you bearing large skewers of steak, chicken, etc. to your table and serve you. And they are relentless when it comes to serving you. As one is done plating you, the next Gaucho is right behind. When you let this go on for about 5 minutes, your plate looks like a hot mess of seasoned meats. You no longer know which meat is which, but you do know you taste deliciousity. Will the Gauchos ever stop bringing their fine meats? Yes, because you play the small game of red light, green light with these little cards that are placed on the table. My favorite part about eating at these Brazilian steakhouses is when you ask for a specific meat (since each Gaucho is designated a meat) and the other Gauchos get jealous of the the Gaucho you requested. And then the feeling of jealousy quickly turns to disappointment as if the Gauchos were thinking, "I thought we had something special. I gave you my heart (meat)." But what if I don't want to eat all that meat? Don't worry Tina, because all Brazilian steakhouses have incredible, and I mean incredible salad bars. That's how they get you to fill up before the Gauchos culinarily give it to you.

No Doubt

Tina, Congratulations! 15 Emmy nominations for 30 Rock including, of course, Emmy nominations for lead actress and writing and guest actress for SNL. You have some good competition this year, but I think 30 Rock and you will snag another win. You sure you don't want to EGOT. You already got the E and G in EGOT. Hey, wait a minute, you have EG or should I say GE. I like it. GO NBC.

Voting Fingers

Tina, calm down. You still have time to vote for Alex Wong on So You Think You Can Dance. You did already? Sweet. Then why are you all flustered? Oh because you've noticed how irritating it is when contestants, on all live reality tv competitions, use their fingers to indicate what number they are so you know who to vote for. Just so we're clear, you mean the number at the end of the voting phone number associated with each individual contestant? I know exactly what you're talking about. Even though the hosts repeatedly says what the contestant's number is, and the screen displays what number to vote for, they still feel the need to hold up their finger numbers. And it's not enough that they hold up their fingers for example in the number 2, it's that they either:

A) flash it like those flickering neon signs

B) look at their fingers as if they're confused by them then realize it's the number 2

C) twist their wrist so you can see the number 2 backwards and forwards

D) personify their number as if the number 2 is actually jumping

E) my favorite one- look at their fingers as if they're suddenly surprised that their fingers have magically made the number 2

F) make me question the public school system when they hold up the wrong number of fingers

G) use both hands to make the number 2 so that I'm no longer sure if you are 2 or now 4, then make me again question the public school system

H) all of the above

To all future and present reality tv contestants, please take a lesson from Ricky Bobby.

Beginnings

Tina, Yes and..., Del Close, fatigue, "Will I make it on to TourCo?". Ah, memories. So much has changed at Second City since you've left. There's a Starbucks attached so everyone can pretend to be a screen/comedy writer in Chicago, there's an abundance of people in running shorts because there's a Fleet Feet next door, there's a brightly colored yellow chair outside the new wing of classrooms, and more importantly they're opening a Chipotle downstairs. The only thing that hasn't changed is the effervescent feeling of creativity and joy you get every time you enter Second City's doors. But what I want to know is what it is like for you back in the day. The good and the bad. You're so secretive, gosh Tina. Tell me why I've got to hear, and I'm assuming the story I heard today was about you, from someone else. Because it was hands down one of of the most endearing stories I ever heard and I can't share it. More like I won't share it in respect of you and the people involved. There's nothing incriminating, but it's one of the advantages of going to Second City, hearing "before they were famous" stories. It's one of those stories that remind you of why you do what you love. Since I won't repeat the anecdote, I'll just post this video.

Hear Me Out

Tina, I've been rewriting and rewriting this post for the past week. And I've come to the conclusion that there's no better way to write this post than to just write it. I don't know how you'll feel about this, but as a woman who's broken barriers (man that sounds outdated and cheesy) in comedy and the entertainment industry in general, I'd think you'll understand. This is a small note to Hollywood. As sincere and serious as I've ever been on this blog: Hollywood, please take a chance and cast outside the box. You see what happens when you take a risk, you get someone like Tina Fey. My shout out to you Ms. Fey. She wasn't your typical starlet, and that is exactly the reason why she is where she is now. She wasn't typical. So with the recent casting announcement for Spiderman, I can't help but think what if you cast a non-Caucasian actor to play Spiderman. Ironically, when news broke that there were plans to reboot the Spiderman franchise, I told someone they should cast an African American. The next day I learned Donald Glover had a Facebook campaign to get an audition for Spiderman. I'll admit he isn't the Spiderman type, but there are many male actors of diverse backgrounds that could be. If you wanted to "reboot" or "reinvent" it, why not reboot and reinvent. I understand comic book fans would probably hate you if you did this since Spiderman has been around for decades and is obviously Caucasian. Think of all the buzz you'll create if you cast someone totally unexpected. Plus, if it doesn't turn out as planned, Tobey's Spiderman was well executed. But if you're going to stick with typecasting. What's up with other adaptations? Take for instance, M. Night Shyamalan's Avatar: The Last Airbender. Now Airbender isn't as beloved a comic as Spiderman, but the world in which these people live, though fantasy, clearly indicates an Asian or at least an ethnic background. So you would think that the main roles would mostly be Asian, yet there are no ethnic people cast in the major character roles. With the exception of Dev Patel, who actually replaced Jesse McCartney. Alright Hollywood, I'll go back to my funny self, but sometimes life makes you want to react like Michael Scott.



P.S. I love Steve Carell. I love this scene and I love Steve Carell. I love Tina Fey and Steve Carell's chemistry in Date Night. I wish they could have been on Mainstage together. I may being tossing around the word "love" too loosely in this blog.

Reality TV Binge- Alex Wong

Tina, do you make it work? Are you a Top Chef? Do you think you can dance? Well if you're not on a reality show take a moment from the million projects you're working on and come watch reality tv with me. We're only weeks away from Project Runway, so we'll have to make due with So You Think You Can Dance and Top Chef. You know I only like reality tv that actually requires talent. Now if that were also true for all tv and film. SNAP.

Let me catch you up, particularly on SYTYCD. I can't get enough of this guy: Alex Wong. 

He makes me want to do all the Dirty Dancing scenes with him. Zac Efron and Jake Gyllenhaal too. Plus, I like to keep an eye out on my fellow Asian Americans representing. Most of the time they make it to the top 10 but get kicked off within the first 2 weeks because they lack the whole X factor. But this Alex, I predict will at least be top 5. Anyways, remember how I said swagga doesn't always translate to both classic technique and dance like hip-hop. (http://tinafeyismyfriend.blogspot.com/2010/06/i-got-swagga.html) Well Alex totally destroys my theory. He's a breath-taking ballet dancer but then just rips it in this hip-hop routine. Check out the videos below. Then tell me how much you want go to a country club right about now. Although I think we can work on his hip-hop dance face. (http://tinafeyismyfriend.blogspot.com/2010/06/dance-face.html) The first video you have to skip to about 1:40 to see his ballet skills.

That's What She Said- Whoa, Hold Up.

Tina, why won't they stop coming to me? That's what she said. And by they I mean "That's what she said" lines. I love "That's what she said". Love it. I love it so much I want to have a one night stand with it and then fall truly in love with it like a romantic comedy. OR Take it behind the behind the bleachers and get it pregnant. (Thanks for the line 30 Rock. I love you so much that you're next.) I'm a TWSS addict, but how can I not be when almost every sentence that comes out of a person's mouth can be labeled a TWSS. Especially when you work with food. "Fluff the meat" and "golden, crunchy crust, soft center". Hello! My buddy Loren and I would say it so much at the restaurant we worked at (I call it a restaurant to feel less embarrassed about where I worked) that it lost some of its value. It's like the time when my friends and I were in Stratford upon Avon, the birthplace of Shakespeare AND the ever so popular phrase "Ye olde [noun]." Ex. Ye olde Starbucks. That line gets, well, old real fast. So I, and since this is my blog I'll take credit, I enforced a "Ye olde" rule. One could only name something "Ye Olde" if it was a really good one. Mine was Ye olde bush. Nailed it. That's what she said. See what I mean. It's not as funny. So I, again, will impose upon myself a TWSS rule. OR give TWSS a safe word to use to protect its integrity. I respect you TWSS and I would never want to hurt you.