Meat, It's What's For Dinner. - Michael Scott

Tina, remove any layers or Spanx you might be wearing and imagine numerous men coming to you with their various meats. Yes, I'm talking about those Brazilian steakhouse restaurants. You've never been? I totally understand. You barely have time to sleep let alone eat copious amounts of meat. So let me take you on a culinary adventure to Brazil...ian steakhouse. I'm going to use Chicago's popular Brazilian restaurant, Fogo de Chao, as our dining example. Once you've entered [insert term for fancy, artsy decor] Fogo de Chao, you will notice men in traditional MC Hammer pants. Actually, they are wearing the more traditional Gaucho ensemble. That's what the whole Brazilian steakhouse concept is based on: the Gaucho culture way of preparing meat. At Fogo, it's all you can eat but it's not your ordinary buffet, because you never have to get up. The "Gauchos" come to you bearing large skewers of steak, chicken, etc. to your table and serve you. And they are relentless when it comes to serving you. As one is done plating you, the next Gaucho is right behind. When you let this go on for about 5 minutes, your plate looks like a hot mess of seasoned meats. You no longer know which meat is which, but you do know you taste deliciousity. Will the Gauchos ever stop bringing their fine meats? Yes, because you play the small game of red light, green light with these little cards that are placed on the table. My favorite part about eating at these Brazilian steakhouses is when you ask for a specific meat (since each Gaucho is designated a meat) and the other Gauchos get jealous of the the Gaucho you requested. And then the feeling of jealousy quickly turns to disappointment as if the Gauchos were thinking, "I thought we had something special. I gave you my heart (meat)." But what if I don't want to eat all that meat? Don't worry Tina, because all Brazilian steakhouses have incredible, and I mean incredible salad bars. That's how they get you to fill up before the Gauchos culinarily give it to you.